This is how good a cook my uncle Oscar was…one night he walked out of the bedroom, sniffed the air, and told me that I had overcooked the fish.

And I’ll be damned if I hadn’t

Oscar had senses that were working overtime.  He could smell if something was out of sorts.  He could touch a piece of beef and tell if it was done.   He could look at a string of spaghetti and know if it was ready.  We were in a restaurant one time and Oscar sent a piece of veal back because it was sliced the wrong way.

And I’ll be damned if the chef didn’t come out and apologize.

Oscar knew food.  He knew his way around the kitchen.  And the wine cellar.

Oscar was my hero.  He grew up extremely poor on the streets of New York City.  He made it through college and med school.  He became a doctor, and then went into the business of medicine and made a fortune.

He liked to drink wine, and he wasn’t drinking the kind of wine I was used to drinking, that’s for sure.

On my birthday a few years ago, Oscar called me.  He was in Florida at his winter home, and I was staying up north in Annapolis at his house–it was called Cat Tail Creek.  I was going through a tough time, and Oscar let me stay at his house.

Cat Tail Creek

Oscar told me to go down to his wine cellar, and get a bottle of wine for my birthday.  Generosity was another one of Oscar’s great traits.

I was cooking dinner with my amico Hit Man Howie Z.  I was elbow-deep in Italian tomatoes, so I told Howie to go down to the cellar, and pick out a bottle of wine.  I told Hit Man to pick a bottle of whatever Oscar had the most of…that way, he wouldn’t miss it.

Howie brought up a bottle and opened it.  He told me Oscar had two cases of it.  I looked over and saw the label, and my heart sank.

It was a 1982 Chateau Mouton Rothschild Cabernet.  I knew it was an expensive wine.  I had read that is was rated 100—a perfect score—by Robert Parker, the wine guy.

But it was too late.  The bottle was already opened.  So Howie and I drank it.  What else could we do?  It was good.  Real good.

A few weeks later, Oscar came up north.  We went to downtown Annapolis to a wine shop.  Oscar liked to buy cases of wine.  We were browsing around, when we walked by a bottle of 1982 Chateau Mouton Rothschild Cabernet—the same one Howie and I drank a few weeks before.  My heart fell out of my chest.

It was $999.99.  A thousand bucks for a bottle of wine!  Just a little out of my price range.

I took the bottle out of the rack, and held it in my hand.  I looked at Oscar.  He said…

“I’ve got two cases of that.”

I thought for a second and said…

“Not any more.”

I told Oscar the story about Howie and me.  Did he yell?  Did he call me names?  Get me in a headlock and dope-slap me?

No.  He laughed.

Funny thing–about 30 years earlier, the same thing happened.  I was living with Angela—his Mom, my grandmom–when Oscar walked in one night with a case of wine.  He told us he had left his wife, and was staying for a while.

He brought his most-prized possession.  His wine.  He went out that night.  Angela wanted a glass of wine, and we had none.  She told me to open a bottle of Oscar’s.  I told her that that was Oscar’s special wine.

“Who more special than we?” is what she said.

I opened the wine, we had a glass, and I put the cork in the bottle and put it in the fridg.  It was a bottle of 1954 Chateau Mouton Rothschild Cabernet.  Oscar came home and freaked out.  When I told Oscar the story about Angela, he laughed.

Oscar had great senses, and a great sense of humor as well.  We had some incredible times together.  He taught me a lot about life, and a lot about cooking.

The fish I overcooked that night when he came out of the bedroom was salmon.  I eventually figured out how to cook salmon, and here’s a healthy little recipe for all my Slim Brothers and Sisters.

Who more special than we?!?

Ingredients for the Salmon

Extra virgin olive oil, a few tablespoons

Lemon

Rosemary, two teaspoons of leaves, plus a couple sprigs

Garlic, one clove

1 pound salmon filet

Black pepper and Kosher salt

Ingredients for the Broccoli and Peppers

Olive oil, about 4 tablespoons

Shallots, about 2 tablespoons chopped

Crushed red pepper

¼ cup dry white wine

¾  cup of vegetable broth

1 orange bell pepper, seeds and stems removed, chopped

1 red pepper, seeds and stems removed, chopped

4 cups broccoli florets

Salt (to taste)

Let’s start with the Broccoli…

Get a large pan, put it over medium-low heat

Add the olive oil and the shallots, cook for a couple minutes

Add the white wine, turn the heat up, and cook for two minutes

Turn the heat back down to medium-low

Add the vegetable broth, the broccoli, and the peppers

Simmer for about 8 minutes until the broccoli is done—stir often

Salt to taste

Some people like their broccoli crunchy.  Here’s what I say about that…you want crunchy vegetables, eat a salad.  I like my vegetables cooked, but firm.

And now for the salmon

Heat your oven to 400 degrees.

Get a baking dish

Put a little olive oil in the bottom, just enough to coat it

Put a sprig of rosemary, a circular slice of lemon in the bottom of the pan

Place the fish–skin side down–on the rosemary and lemon slice

Drizzle a touch of olive oil over the top of the fish, rub it in

Squeeze just a little lemon juice on the fish

Crack some fresh cracked black pepper on the fish

Take two teaspoons of rosemary leaves, and the clove of garlic, and chop them together until they are fine

Sprinkle on top of the fish—you don’t have to use it all, use your incredibly good judgment

Add a little Kosher salt to taste

Put the fish in the oven and bake for 8 minutes—keep in mind thicker fish takes longer, and some ovens run hotter than others.

When it is almost done, turn on the broiler for about 30 seconds so the top gets just a little toasty.  When the fish flakes, it’s done.

Plate it up!  Put a piece of salmon on a plate, put some of the broccoli stuff next to it, garnish with a small sprig of rosemary, and…

MANGIAMO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oscar, Mike, Mindy

I don’t know how or why Marc and I started calling each other “Bastardo”.  But whatever the reason, whenever we talked to each other, whenever we saw each other, we’d call each other bastardo.

“How ya doin’, bastardo?!?”

“What’s up, bastardo?!?”

We used the term with affection, of course.  And just for one tour we did together.

Marc Antoine is a tremendously gifted guitar player.  Gifted, true, but he also practices HOURS a day.  I’m proud to call him one of my best friends.  I love the way he plays guitar.  He’s played with Rod Stewart, Sting, Celine Dion…and Slim Man.

Marc and I did a tour back in 1997.  We travelled all over the US.  It is still one of my most favorite tours, because Marc and I became great friends.  Like brothers.  Dos Bastardos!

We were in San Antonio playing a place called the White Rabbit.  The night before the show, Marc and I went down to the Riverwalk.  The San Antonio River is a small and winding river that cuts through downtown San Antonio, and on each side of the river there are restaurants, cafes, and shops.  It’s called RiverWalk.

I was in an open-air Mexican restaurant, and Marc was down by the water.

My ‘Secret Rendezvous’ CD had just been released.  I was sitting at the bar, surrounded by my Spanish-speaking brothers and sisters, when I heard Secret Rendezvous come over the radio.  It was one of the first times I’d heard my music on the radio.  I got really excited and screamed out to Marc, who was about 30 yards away…

“BASTARDO!”

The restaurant went silent.  Everybody looked at me like I was crazy.  Well, I am a little crazy.  I got up, and sheepishly left, folks staring at me in silence as I walked out.

I walked down to where Marc was strolling by the water.  I don’t know how it happened—I might have slapped Marc on the back while telling him the news—but Marc tripped and started falling into the river.

With my superhuman strength, I grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him back just in the nick of time.  I saved his life!  Not because he would have drowned—Marc is an excellent swimmer, almost made the Olympics.  I saved his life because that water is funky!  It’s got old beer bottles and machetes and dead bodies floating around.  Bastardo!

Marc and I spent the rest of the tour hanging out, having fun, playing music, drinking wine, and traveling around the US.  By the end of the tour we were The Two Amigos.  Dos Bastardos!

I went to Marc’s wedding in Madrid a few years ago.  He met a lovely woman while he was doing a TV show in Madrid.  He was on the set playing, she was one of the dancers, and they fell in love.  Marc invited me to the wedding in Madrid.

We danced.  We ate.  We drank.  We played.  I think I sang a few songs with the band.  The wedding started in the afternoon and went until…4 AM?  Or was it 5?  Maybe 6…

The day after the wedding, I went to the beach down in Marbella.  So there I was, on the Mediterranean, at a beach bar, drinking sangria–the kind they make with white wine and brandy and Cointreau–and I’d had a few.  Maybe more than a few.  It was late afternoon…

A song came over the sound system as the sun was setting.

“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.”  Dean Martin was singing.  I love Dino.  But when I thought about those lyrics, I said to my drunken self…”Dem’s some crazy-ass lyrics.”

So, in my infinite wisdom, I turned to the guy standing next to me and said…

“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.  Who came up with that stuff?!?”

The guy turned to me and said…this is a true story…

“My grandfather wrote that song.  I’ve never worked a day in my life because of those royalties.”

Turns out, the guy who wrote ‘That’s Amore’ was Harry Warren, the son of Italian immigrants.  He wrote ‘Chattanooga Choo Choo’, ‘Jeepers Creepers’ ‘You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby’ and a lot of other big, huge, smash hit songs.

Harry Warren also won three Academy awards, and was nominated eleven times.  No wonder no one in his family had to work.  Ever.

Later on, I told the story to Marc.  He wasn’t surprised.  Marc told me the story of his friend who had one song—not a hit song, just a song—on ‘The BodyGuard’ soundtrack.  That’s the movie with Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston where Whitney sings “I Will Always Love You”.

Plaza Major, Madrid

The soundtrack sold millions of copies.  The movie was a smash.  Marc’s friend’s first check was for…about 2 million dollars.  US.

That’s a lot of dough.  Speaking of dough…want me to show you how to make a pizza?

When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!

Pizza is kind of like making love.  Even when it’s bad, it’s pretty good.

Homemade pizza is really delicious.  It’s so much better than just about any other pizza you’re gonna get–outside of Italy.  Or Little Italy.  And it is ridiculously inexpensive to make.  You need flour, water, yeast, a little sugar and some toppings.

Unless you have a wood-fired oven, you’re gonna need a pizza stone, and a paddle to get the pizza on and off the stone–because that stone is gonna get real hot.  How hot?  Almost everybody recommends that you put your oven on the highest temp, which is—for most ovens—around 500 degrees.

Here’s the kicker…you gots to pre-heat the stone in that 500 degree oven for…one hour.  That’s right, 60 minutes.  Most folks say to put the stone on the bottom rack.  But I have found that if you put it on the rack second from the top, the top of the pizza gets mo’ brown.

Also, if you have the stone on the second rack from the top—you can put your oven on broil for a minute at the very end, and really crisp up the top of your pizza, without having to move your pizza stone, which is tough and not real safe to do at those temperatures.

NOTE: You’re gonna have to make the dough in advance, about 24 hours.

INGREDIENTS:

For the Dough:

3 cups of bread flour, plus a little more for dusting

2 teaspoons Turbinado sugar (has a slight molasses flavor, you can use regular sugar if you want)

½ teaspoon rapid rise yeast

1 1/3  cups really cold water

1 Tablespoon Olive Oil

1 ½ Teaspoons of salt (this is one of those rare instances when I DON’T use Kosher  salt)

You’ll need some corn meal for dusting the pizza paddle…

For the Tomato sauce

One 28 ounce can of Italian Tomatoes, smooshed by hand, funky stuff removed (any skin, the small bitter yellow core, brown spots, stems, etc.)

4 Tablespoons Olive Oil

5 garlic cloves, peeled, sliced thin (I use lots, you can use less if you like)

A small handful of basil leaves, washed

Kosher salt

Crushed red pepper

For the toppings…

TOPPINGS

Mozzarella cheese, sliced into thin slices, or shredded (about a cup per pizza)

Parmiggiano-Reggiano cheese, grated (about ¼ cup per pizza)

Basil leaves (another small handful)

That’s the basic Margherita style pizza.

But, after you put your tomato sauce on your pizza, you can add whatever else you want—sausage, pepperoni, cut-up meatballs, diced chicken cutlets, squirrel, possum, Feta cheese, asiago cheese, provolone cheese, spinach, peppers, onions, shallots…get creative.

I usually sauté the vegetables for a couple minutes before I add ‘em to my pizza.

HERE WE GO!

For the dough-re-mi…

I don’t use a food processor.  I do the dough by hand in a wooden bowl—I use my salad bowl.  I’ll give you instructions for both.

MAKE DOUGH BY HAND

Put the flour, sugar, salt and yeast in a wooden bowl.  Mix by hand, just a couple stirs.

Make a hole in the middle of the flour.  Pour the cold water in the hole, and start folding the flour over the water.  The water will mix with the flour and stuff and become gooey.  This will take a couple of minutes of mixing by hand.

Ain’t this fun!  When everything is combined, and all the flour is soaked up into the dough, roll it in a ball and let it sit for 15 minutes in the bowl.

Then, make a small crater on top of the dough ball, and pour the olive oil in.  Fold the dough around the olive oil, so it blends in.  Work the olive oil into the dough for a couple of minutes.  The dough will be just a little sticky.

MAKE DOUGH BY BLENDER/PROCESSOR:

Put the flour, sugar, salt and yeast in the blender.  Give it a few quick pulses.   Put the blender on low, and slowly add the cold water until mixed in—it should only take a half-minute or so.  Let the dough sit for 15 minutes.

Add the oil to dough and blend for about 60 seconds.

Whether you’ve made your dough by hand or by processor, here are the next steps…

Lightly oil a large chopping block.  You can also use your countertop.  Drizzle some olive oil onto a paper towel, and dampen your block or countertop.  Don’t throw away that towel!  We’ll use it again in a minute.

Take the dough out of the bowl, and place on the chopping block or countertop.  Knead that dough, lightly, for a couple of minutes–knead, knead, knead.  Make your hand into a fist, and press your knuckles into the dough, and roll it around, form it in a ball, and do it again.

Take that lightly-oiled paper towel and rub it on the inside of a large glass or ceramic bowl.

Shape the dough into a ball, and place in the oiled bowl, cover tightly with plastic wrap, and stick in the fridg for 24 hours.  It will keep for about 3 days.  After 3 days, it gets a little sketchy…

After 24 hours or so…

Take the dough out of the fridg.

Take another paper towel, drizzle it with a little olive oil, and rub it on a baking sheet–non-stick is best.

Separate the dough into two equal parts.  Put it on the baking sheet.  Cover loosely with plastic wrap.  Leave it on the counter—don’t refrigerate.

Put your pizza stone on the second highest rack in your oven.

Turn your oven to your highest setting, usually 500 degrees.

Wait for one hour—for the stone to heat up, and the dough to settle.

Now would be a good time to make your sauce…

DA TOMATO SAUCE:

Put the olive oil, the garlic and some crushed red pepper (to taste) in a large sauté pan over medium-low heat for about 5 minutes.  Stir a couple times.  When the garlic is pale gold, add the smooshed-up tomatoes.

Take a small handful of basil leaves.  Snip them or tear them into small pieces into the sauce.  Add salt to taste.  Mick ‘em up.  Tomatoes need a lot of salt, by the way.  Start with a teaspoon, taste as you go, and adjust.

Turn the heat on high.  When the tomatoes come to a boil, turn the heat to medium-low and cook for about 25 minutes.  Stir it every few minutes.

After 25 minutes, add the rest of the fresh basil, snipped or torn.  Stir and remove from heat.  Check for salt and pepper and adjust accordingly.

Time to grab your balls.

Grab a dough ball!  Place it on a lightly floured countertop or chopping block, and flatten it by hand into an 8-inch circle.

Use a rolling pin to flatten it into a 12 or 13-inch circle.

If you don’t have a rolling pin, you can do it by hand.  Start working the edges, using your fingers to spread the dough into a larger circle, about 12 inches, more or less.

You don’t want the dough too thick, and you don’t want it too thin.

Dust your pizza paddle with a little corn meal.  Corn meal can take the heat, flour burns at that high temps.  Put your dough on the paddle.

Top it off!  The sauce gets spooned on first—don’t use too much, about ½ a cup or so!  If you use too much sauce, the crust will never get crisp, and your pizza will be soggy.  Spoon the sauce around the dough in a thin layer.

Then snip or tear some basil leaves onto the sauce.  Then add your mozzarella, and then sprinkle on the Parmiggiano cheese.

Ready for the oven

Open the oven, and slide the pizza off the paddle and onto the pizza stone and cook for about 10 minutes.  Ovens drive me crazy.  Some run real hot, some don’t.  It may take more than 10 minutes.

Then, check your pizza.  When the outer crust is light brown, and the mozzarella on top is browning and gooey, you’re done.  If the cheese needs a little help browning, turn on your broiler, and let the cheese brown—THIS ONLY TAKES A MINUTE OR LESS!

When the pizza looks good and done, grab your paddle, scoot the pizza off the stone and onto the paddle, and place the pizza on a platter.

Slice it up, serve it up, and…

MANGIAMO!!!!!!!!!!

A couple years ago, I was an extra in a Hugh Grant movie being shot in Manhattan.  It was called Music and Lyrics and it also starred Drew Barrymore.

It was what they call a Rom-Com, a romantic comedy.  Although nobody was laughing while we were filming.  Everybody looked miserable and tense.  Show biz!

A friend of mine suggested I do it.  His name is Carl Griifin, and if you’re one of the 2 or 3 people who have read any of my other recipes, you know Carl.  He signed me to Motown as a songwriter.  We did the Marlboro Talent Contest together when we discovered Ronnie Dunn back in the 80s.

The 1880s.

And Carl suggested I do some work as an extra, he told me you got paid to sit around all day.  Carl had done some extra work for Law and Order, an Angelina Jolie movie, and some other stuff.  And when you’re “in between engagements” as they say in show biz, sometimes you pick up a little work on the side.  Plus, I was in already in Manhattan doing some cooking shows for the Italian American Network.

Music and Lyrics was being shot in midtown Manhattan.  Hugh Grant’s character had been a pop star back in the 80s–a Wham!-type band–and he was trying to make a comeback.  Hugh was in Manhattan writing a song for a young pop star, and Drew Barrymore was the gal who came to water the plants in his apartment.

And Drew started suggesting lyrics to Hugh as she was watering his plants.  Hugh would be working on the song, and Drew would blurt out a lyric.  They start out hating each other, and then…surprise!  They end up falling for each other.

I would have never guessed that.

Well, Hugh is still doing a few Oldies gigs here and there—state fairs, amusement parks and such–and he ends up playing at a high school reunion.  They had the reunion in a hotel ballroom in Manhattan, and that’s where my scene was shot.

My scene.  Listen to me.

So, there were about a hundred of us extras.  They shot the reunion scene in one ballroom, and they had all us extras corralled in another ballroom across the hall.

I saw Hugh Grant quite a bit.  They shot the scene dozens of times.  They kept playing this song—it was a rip-off of Careless Whisper by George Michael—over and over again.  And they kept shooting the same scene…for 12 hours.  No exaggeration.

Hugh looked like he was in pain, like he was passing a kidney stone or something.  On one hand, I felt for Hugh—it was tedious.  On the other hand, they guy was getting paid a couple of million bucks to make love to Drew Barrymore.  I would have done that for nothing.

I wore a white suit.  Well, it wasn’t really white, like John Travolta Saturday Night Fever white.  It was more like an eggshell white.  And I wore a white shirt. I should have brought some pajamas, because 12 hours in that stinkin’ suit was a bit much.  Towards the end of the day, I found an empty room and sat by myself at a table.  I was beat, dead-tired from doing nothing.

And guess who walked in and sat down at the table?  Drew Barrymore and her…assistant.  Or manager, or reflexologist.  Whatever she was, both gals sat at my table.  There were other tables in the room.  But they sat at mine.  Just a few feet away.  Lucky me.

We sat there for a few minutes.  I looked over every once in a while to wave or say hi, and neither one of the women would look at me.  It was weird.  I didn’t know what to do.  The film folks told us not to approach Hugh or Drew.  But this was a bit different—they had approached me.  I would look over every so often, but Drew would glance away.  I was gonna say a little something to break the ice, like…

“Do you come here often?’  Or…

“Haven’t I seen you before?”  Or…

“I’m not wearing any pants.”

But I didn’t.  After about a half-hour they both got up and walked away. They didn’t say goodbye.  They never even said hello.  They just walked out into the crowded streets of Manhattan.  Her loss.

When the movie came out, I went to see it.  I guess my big film debut got left on the cutting room floor, because I never saw myself.  Not once.  But I did make $84.  For 12 hours work.  Which comes to…$7 an hour.

After Drew left that night, I walked back to my cousin’s apartment in Gramercy Park.  God bless my dog, Batu.  He was in the apartment the whole time, and I don’t know how he did it, but he didn’t leave me any presents.  I took him for a walk, and he just about exploded. When we got back, we made a little pasta.

Batu the Wonder Dog

I was starving.  I made some aglio e olio, which is a quick garlic and olive oil sauce that the Romans make when they’re hungry late at night.

Here’s how they do it.  They put a pot of cold water on the stove to boil.  Then they put a small frying pan on the stove on low heat.  They add some olive oil, and some garlic.

When the water comes to a boil, they put in the pasta, and when the pasta is done, the sauce is done.  They put it all together and there you have it.  Aglio e olio.

Or Olley Ole as my friend Bobby Nocco says.  Keep in mind, as with any pasta sauce, you don’t have to use it on pasta.  You can use it on white rice, brown rice, bruschetta, or anything else like that.

Two things…I add a little chopped red bell pepper.  Why?  I like the color it gives to this dish.  The second thing…my Uncle Oscar used to remove the garlic from the pan before he tossed the sauce in with the pasta.  He’d put the garlic on a small plate next to the stove.  And I’d put the garlic on some bread and eat it.

So I leave the garlic in.  Unless there’s a young lady around who wants it removed.  In which case I do.  Because if the ladies ain’t happy, you, my friend ain’t happy.

Ingredients:

4 tablespoons or so extra virgin olive oil

5 cloves garlic sliced thin

[OPTIONAL] 1 red bell pepper (cored, de-seeded, and chopped) about half a cup or more

2 tablespoons fresh, clean Italian flat leaf parsley–coarsely chopped

½ pound of penne rigate pasta

Salt and crushed red pepper

Here we go…

Fill a large pot with cold water and put it on the highest heat you got.

As the water heats up, start your sauce…

Put the olive oil in a small saucepan on low heat.

Add the garlic and peppers and crushed red pepper and let them cook slowly.

When the water comes to a raging boil, toss in a couple tablespoons of kosher salt, and add the pasta. When the pasta is al dente, (firm to the bite), drain and transfer to a bowl.

Drizzle a little olive oil on top of the pasta, and toss.  Add the sauce, the fresh chopped parsley, and toss again.   Plate it up.

The Romans don’t put cheese on this dish.  But if your lady friend wants freshly grated parmiggiano-reggiano cheese, save yourself some trouble and just shut up and grate.

Then put on a Wham! CD, light some candles, and…

MANGIAMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!